Ways to Help Your Teen Open Up: Building Trust and Connection

I know you’re reading this because you care deeply about your teen’s emotional and mental well-being. You want to ensure they feel supported and know they can turn to you during tough times. You may struggle to find ways to help your teen open up to you when you know they are struggling. It can be daunting when they do share their struggles or don’t talk at all, and you’re left worrying about what to do when you know they’re anxious, discouraged, angry, or depressed. Our first instinct is often to offer advice or find quick solutions, but the most impactful approach is to be present, listen, and ask thoughtful questions.

Here are some key points to keep in mind:

Flexibility is Key: Conversations about mental health rarely go as planned. Be prepared to adapt as needed.

Effective Communication includes supportive listening without interrupting, allowing for silence and pauses to process, and allowing your kid to express all of their feelings (including anger) without fear of criticism or judgment.

Below are some examples of supportive responses and scripts that can help foster an environment where your teen feels comfortable opening up. By using these strategies, you can create a safe space for your teen to share their feelings and struggles, increasing the likelihood that they will come to you for support.

11 Ways To Help Your Teen Open Up To You

Actively Listen

When they come to you with a challenge or are experiencing different emotions, focus on being present and seeking to understand their perspective. Avoid dismissing their feelings, criticizing, judging, or giving advice.

Instead, show them you are listening. You can say things like, “Hmmm.” “Uh-huh.” “Really.” I know it sounds strange, but you will become amazed at how a simple “Hmmm” or “Uh-huh” creates space for them to continue to share.

Reflect back on what you hear, “It sounds like you’re feeling overwhelmed by all your assignments. That must be really stressful.”

Open the Conversation

Parent: “Hey [Teen’s Name], can we talk for a bit? I’ve been thinking a lot about how things have been going lately, and I want to make sure you’re okay. I’m here for you, and I want to listen more than talk this time.”

Parent: “Tell me more about how your day went. I’m here to listen and understand what you’re going through.”

Acknowledge Limitations and Express Support

Parent: “I know I sometimes try to fix things too much, and I’ve realized that I can’t fix everything. What I can do is be here to support you and listen. So today, I’m going to ask you some questions and then just listen. Is that okay with you?”

Start the Dialogue

Parent: “I’ve noticed you’ve seemed a bit down lately. Can you tell me what’s been going on? I promise I won’t interrupt.”

(Allow for long pauses. If the teen doesn’t respond right away, give them space and time to process.)

Encourage Openness and Provide Comfort

Parent: “It’s okay if you don’t know where to start. Just say whatever comes to mind. I’m here to listen and support you.”

(If the teen starts talking, listen actively, nodding, and making affirming sounds without interrupting.)

Parent: “You know, I’ve been struggling with something at work, and it’s been really stressing me out. I thought maybe we could take a walk and talk. Sometimes, it helps just to have someone there to listen. Would you mind coming with me?”

(During the walk, after sharing your own struggles, allow for silence and let the teen talk if they want to. Make sure not to over-share, dump on them, or expect them to fix anything for you. You are modeling that you struggle, too)

Allow For Silence and Processing Time

Parent: “I understand if you need some time to think about what you want to say. Take your time. Silence is okay – it means you’re thinking and processing, and that’s important.”

Admit Making Mistakes and Encourage Your Teen’s Voice To Be Heard

Parent: “I might make mistakes and start talking too much. If I do, just remind me – say, ‘Mom/Dad, you said you’d listen,’ and I’ll stop and listen again. I’m learning, too, and I want to get better at this.”

Give Them Agency and Power

Parent: “I want you to feel like you have some control over this conversation. If there’s anything specific you need from me, like a hug or just some space, let me know. Your feelings and needs are important, and I want to respect them.”

Make it Relatable and Model Asking For What You Need

Parent: “When I’m feeling overwhelmed, sometimes a random hug or a funny text can really make my day. If you ever feel like it, doing something like that would really help me. And I’d love to know if there’s anything I can do to help you feel better, too.”

Closing the Conversation

Parent: “Thank you for talking with me. I know this isn’t always easy, but I’m really proud of you for sharing. We can keep talking about this whenever you’re ready. I’m here for you, always.”

(End with a hug or another gesture of support, based on what the teen is comfortable with.)

You can transform how you listen by practicing active listening and reducing the urge to lecture. Mistakes will happen—sometimes, you’ll jump in with advice. When you do, acknowledge it and remind your teen of your commitment to listen more and talk less (they’ll appreciate your honesty).

Remember, changing how we support our kids and others requires patience and practice. Perfection isn’t the goal—none of us get it right all the time. The important thing is that both you and your teen are learning together.

By using these scripts and techniques, you can create a safe, supportive environment that encourages open communication and helps your teen navigate their mental health challenges. I hope you feel more equipped with these practical and intentional ways to help your teen open up to you. Keep trying, keep learning, and know you are not alone!

Tons of love,

xoSheryl