How To Set Boundaries During The Holidays (And Stick With Them!)

The holidays are supposed to be a time of joy, connection, and celebration—but let’s be real: They can also feel like navigating a minefield of family dynamics. Between juggling everyone’s expectations, trying to keep the peace, and managing your own emotional bandwidth, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed. It can be so hard to figure out how to set boundaries during the holidays and stick with them, too!
For many of us, setting boundaries with family during the holidays is a recurring challenge every year. Whether it’s deciding whose house to visit, how much time to spend with in-laws, or how to avoid the inevitable “hot topics” at the dinner table, the pressure can leave us dreading what’s supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year.
But here’s the good news: setting healthy boundaries doesn’t make you selfish—it makes the season more meaningful. Boundaries protect your energy, honor your needs, and foster relationships built on mutual respect. And yes, saying “no” without feeling guilty or setting off a family drama is possible!
In the tips below, I share some practical strategies for how to set boundaries during the holidays, along with some examples of what you might say in tricky moments to break free of familiar minefields and find more peace and joy on your own terms.
How To Set Boundaries During The Holidays
Start By Clarifying Your Priorities and What Matters To You
- Example: Decide in advance what matters most to you and your immediate family for the holidays (e.g., time together, traditions, rest). Communicate these priorities clearly.
- What to Say:
- “We’ve decided to spend Christmas morning at home to focus on our own family traditions. We’d love to join everyone for dinner in the afternoon!”
- “This year, we’re simplifying things to prioritize rest. Let’s schedule a visit after the holidays instead.”
Be Honest and Direct
- Example: Set expectations without over-explaining. Express your boundaries with kindness and firmness.
- What to Say:
- “We’re looking forward to celebrating with you, but we’ll need to leave by 7 p.m. to keep our kids’ bedtime routine.”
- “We’ve decided to skip the gift exchange this year to focus on experiences instead.”
Avoid Overcommitting
- Example: If you’re feeling stretched too thin, limit your commitments proactively.
- What to Say:
- “Thank you for inviting us! We’re keeping our schedule light this year, so we won’t be able to make it, but we hope it’s a wonderful gathering.”
- “We’re limiting our events this season, but let’s plan a coffee date in January to catch up!”
Prepare for Pushback
- Example: Anticipate resistance and practice your responses to stay calm and confident.
- What to Say:
- If someone says, “But we’ve always done it this way!” respond: “I know it’s different this year, but we’re finding a new rhythm that works for our family.”
- If someone says, “Can’t you just come for a little while?” respond: “I wish we could, but we’re unable to do so this time. Let’s find another time to connect.”
Set Boundaries Around Hosting
- Example: If hosting guests at home, clearly define how long they can stay or what you’re comfortable with.
- What to Say:
- “We’d love to have you stay for two nights over the holidays. Does that work for you?”
- “We’re excited to host dinner, but we’ll need to wrap up by 8 p.m. so we can clean up and relax.”
Manage Gift Expectations
- Example: To avoid financial or emotional strain, let others know your preferences for gifting (or not gifting).
- What to Say:
- “This year, we’re focusing on homemade gifts or experiences instead of physical presents.”
- “We’d love to stick to a $20 gift limit this year. Would that work for everyone?”
Protect Your Energy
- Example: If you need time to recharge, say so without guilt. Prioritize your well-being.
- What to Say:
- “We’ll be spending the morning recharging at home, but we’re looking forward to seeing you later in the day.”
- “I won’t be able to stay the whole time, but I’d love to stop by for an hour and catch up!”
Stick to Your Decisions
- Example: Once you’ve set your boundaries, hold firm. Be consistent, even if others disagree.
- What to Say:
- “We’ve made this decision because it’s what works best for our family. I understand if it’s disappointing, but we appreciate your understanding.”
- “I know this is a change from what we usually do, but it’s what feels right for us this year.”
REMEMBER…
It’s not your job to make everyone happy. Your tweens and teens may not always be cheerful or engaged during the holidays, and that’s okay. The more you can lovingly detach, accept their feelings without trying to fix them, and take care of yourself, the better. The weight of ensuring everyone’s happiness is not a burden you were meant to carry—practice letting others’ feelings go (I know it’s not always easy!) If you need holiday stress-buster ideas, I have a great list for you HERE.
I hope these tips on how to set boundaries during the holidays were helpful to you. Setting limits and boundaries can be hard, especially if you’re used to putting everyone else first. But when you honor your needs and protect your energy, you’ll feel more at peace, more satisfied, and more aligned with what really matters this holiday season.
Your effort matters and your effort will have a positive impact.
Some days, it might be hard to believe that you are exactly the parent your kid needs. I’m here to remind you to soak in this truth—and I’ll keep reminding you every step of the way. You are doing an amazing job, Mama, showing up for yourself and your kid.
Tons of love,
xoSheryl