Some days as I gaze at you, I wonder where the time has gone.
How did we get this far?
Wasn’t I just holding you for the first time, learning how to swaddle you?
Wasn’t I just singing soft lullabies over your crib to lull you to sleep?
And now, as you stand before me, I’m quickly reminded that you are growing up and exactly where you are meant to be and not the toothless child I once knew.
You are within this moment in time where you are meant to have your soul set on fire.
But sometimes, as a mom, my heart aches a bit as time goes by.
I wonder if I’ve done enough.
I question if I’ve taught you all you need to know as you embark on your journey of becoming your authentic self.
And I wonder if your wisdom will forge a path filled with enough confidence to tackle the world.
Sometimes as I lay awake at night, I question if I am the mom you need me to be.
And often, when I am deep in the throes of questioning, I go back to those times where you surprise me with an enormous amount of reassurance and encouragement.
You may be sixteen and at an age where so many teens are letting go, but every now and then you offer me a glimpse into your world.
You open the door and you let me in. For those brief moments I hold my breath and allow the surprise of learning about you to take over.
I hold on tightly knowing this is exactly what we need, at this moment to reconnect.
It is often a simple moment, nothing grand, nothing opulent, but quiet time together.
Maybe it’s sitting on the couch, snuggling as we watch the latest reality TV show, or maybe it’s laughing over a silly Tik-Tok. Or maybe it’s sharing something that’s been going on in school or a topic that’s been troubling your heart.
But as your mom, I know that letting go is natural and these moments may not come as often as they once did.
It’s a progression and a transition that needs to take place in order for you to move forward and become a thriving adult.
So, I will continue to hold onto these moments for as long as I can.
I will hold onto the days you ask to run an errand, grab the newest latte at the local coffee shop, or even for my opinion. But what you don’t hear is my heart skipping a beat out of pure elation as you present to me this breathtaking invitation.
You see, sweet child, I will always hold onto any chance I get to spend time with you. Even though you are growing up and now a teenager, I will always want to be near you and a part of your life.
But I promise you this… I will give you the freedom you deserve during your journey and I will be flexible when you need time alone. But know that when you are ready, I will always be here waiting, with open arms, ready to drop everything and spend every chance I possibly can with you.
You are my gift.
You are my everything.
We may not always see eye to eye but I will always and forever be here, waiting for you.
So as I lay awake in bed and ask myself, ”where has the time gone?”
The answer is simple.
It’s wrapped up in memories, deep in my soul, soothing an ache I so often feel, but giving me the grace I need to slowly let you go.
But our time together is not over.
We are evolving alongside each other as we begin another chapter.
Now is the time to create new memories to relish in and cherish, so we can look back in the near future and ask ourselves once again, “ Where has the time gone?”