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The Summer He Turns 16

July 7, 2020 By Katy M Clark

7 Jul
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I remember those sleepless nights when I was in my third trimester of pregnancy. How I could not get comfortable no matter which way I turned my big belly.

 

“It’s preparing you for when the baby comes,” the wise mothers who had gone before me said. “You’re learning how to function on less sleep so you’ll be more accustomed to it after you have the baby,” touted the pregnancy books.

 

I never fully embraced this thinking, though. I’m not sure that getting less sleep made me anything other than cranky.

 

But my experience during the third trimester seems relevant now that I’m in the summer after my teen turned 16.  Because I feel that somehow this summer is preparing me for what comes next in my motherhood journey. For when my son becomes a man.

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The summer after 16 is what I call that first batch of long, free-from-school days after a teen turns 16. It is different than the summers before because with age 16 comes the ability to drive–and drive away.

 

When I see my teen in a car, driving away from me, I think maybe it’s preparing me for the day he drives away to his new life and won’t be coming back to his old one with me, his dad, and his sister.

 

The summer after 16 means sometimes he gets into a friend’s car and they drive away. It means I pray every time he leaves the driveway.

 

He hangs out with his friends more often during the summer after 16. He does not hang out with me and his little sister so much. That’s the way it should be, but I can’t help missing those times in summers past when he happily went on a bike ride or spent the day at the lake with us. I know my daughter misses him, too.

 

The summer after 16 brings a new job. When he leaves for his job, I see him becoming a person who operates independently from me. He drives there himself. He puts gas in the car, using the money he earns from the job. I’m surprised by how this makes me feel: relieved that I don’t have to drive him everywhere and yet sad that I don’t have to drive him everywhere.

 

The summer after 16 means he sleeps in. And in and in. Get up, I think. Wake up, I urge. I want to see you, talk to you or spend time with you in the same room even if we are just both sitting on the couch, eating breakfast, and checking our phones.

 

And when he wakes up at noon? How is it possible that he looks bigger than just yesterday, that he grew more overnight. He is changing physically before my eyes during the summer after 16.

 

The summer after 16 is going by too fast. There are hours spent at his summer job. Time spent sleeping in and then going out with his friends. All of these are moments that I am not with him.

 

The summer after 16, I realize with growing awareness, does have something in common with that last trimester of pregnancy. It is preparing me for the summers to come when he will be a grown man, not my little man.

 

So this summer I will let him drive away, happy that at least he will come back later. I will savor when he comes home from work, knowing that soon enough he’ll come home to his own house, not mine. I will treasure that I know the friends he hangs out with, as one day I may not know who they are.

 

I will enjoy each moment of the summer after 16, knowing that I am lucky enough to be the one he calls Mom during this season, each and every day.

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Filed Under: Blog, Parenting Tagged With: Boys

About Katy M Clark

Katy M. Clark is a mom of two who lives in Michigan. By day she works in academia. By night she writes about motherhood and the '80s. Her work has appeared on Grown and Flown, Your Teen for Parents, Scary Mommy, Today's Parent, and more. She embraces her imperfections as a mom on her blog Experienced Bad Mom.

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Comments

  1. Jennifer says

    July 8, 2020 at 8:45 pm

    Oh my goodness! Truth!! This summer is the summer after 17. I know I have one more summer but this feels like the last one with him really in the nest, and it’s speeding by much too fast.

Hi! I'm Sheryl and I'm so glad you're here!

Are you tired of having the same arguments with your adolescent son or daughter? Scared that you’re failing as a mom? At your wit’s end and not sure what to do?

I can help. I’ve coached moms for over 12 years to become conscious, calmer and more connected parents. And I know the difference it makes when you get support and learn new ways of relating. It changes everything! Read More…

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momsoftweensandteens

So true! 😂 😂 😂 ⠀ We can relate much bet So true! 😂 😂 😂 ⠀
We can relate much better to our tweens and teens when we are willing to ask - hmmm what might my version of this be?
Tween Daughters and Puberty...⠀ Do you ever wond Tween Daughters and Puberty...⠀
Do you ever wonder what's normal or how to have those awkward conversations?⠀
In this episode, Dr. Sheryl Ziegler talks with me about the Social Emotional and Physical Changes Tween Girls Go Through and How You Can Be Prepared Before She Hits The Teen Years.⠀
Link in the bio!⠀
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A few highlights:⠀
Preteen behaviors - what to expect and what's normal.⠀
How to prepare your daughter for all of the social, emotional, and physical changes that she's going through during puberty and what's to come during the teen years. ⠀
How to have difficult and awkward conversations about puberty, etc. with her.⠀
How to use the tween years (9,10,11, 12) as an opportunity to celebrate your daughter's transition to womanhood.⠀
Laying a strong foundation for a strong relationship with your daughter where she will feel like she can talk to you.
If you’re a mom of a boy - you are well aware th If you’re a mom of a boy - you are well aware that there is no manual that can possibly prepare you for the unique joys and challenges of raising a son.⠀
⠀
In this podcast episode, I had the privilege of interviewing Kara Lewis, the founder of The Joys Of Boys - we discuss the joys and challenges, how every boy is different, tapping into what they really need and finding new ways to connect with them. ⠀
⠀
If you're finding it difficult to know how to connect with your son and support him when he's struggling give this interview a listen! Link is in the bio.
Right?! 😂 🤣 I'm so excited for the new year Right?! 😂 🤣  I'm so excited for the new year!!!
Totally feeling this way today! How about you?❤️ ❤️ ❤️
All behavior is purposeful, meaning there is a rea All behavior is purposeful, meaning there is a reason when our kids lash out and are hurtful.⠀
Anger oftentimes a secondary emotion. Hurt can often be lurking underneath the surface. ⠀
Next time your tween or teen is hurtful, be curious about what might be going on underneath the surface versus just reacting back. ⠀
When our kids are upset we can shift that interaction by being a parent who tunes in and cares. ⠀
We can say things like, "Wow. That hurt. I see you're upset. What's going on?"
Hey Mamas - ⠀ I'm so excited to share The Moms o Hey Mamas - ⠀
I'm so excited to share The Moms of Tweens and Teens Podcast with you - ALL things raising tweens and teens in one place! (link in bio)⠀
In just 3 weeks we are almost at 1000 downloads! Woohoo!⠀
I'm so grateful for all the amazing experts and authors that I have had the privilege to interview thus far and for more awesomeness to come and share with you!
Episode #4 of Moms of Tweens and Teens podcast is Episode #4 of Moms of Tweens and Teens podcast is here!⠀
Link in the bio!⠀
If you're worried about the day your tween or teen leaves the nest. ⠀
Or ⠀
You have a child that is unmotivated, and you worry about their future, ⠀
Or⠀
You want to learn what you can do to prepare them for adulthood and help them to thrive, you will want to listen to this episode where I interview Dennis Trittin and Arlyn Lawrence! Let's jump in!
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