What You Need To Know About Parenting College Kids
Sending our kids off to college can be both exciting and stressful! As moms, we can wonder if our kids are really prepared for this big transition in their lives, and we might worry about how things will change for us when parenting college kids. Many details go into planning for the next season when our kids leave home to pursue a college education. I have talked with many experts on this topic, so if you’d like to listen to or read the transcripts of those podcasts, you can go HERE to get tons of valuable information.
In this post, I want to share some articles offering insights, tips, and hard-earned wisdom from moms who have already experienced parenting college kids. I remember when I was in your place, and I know it can be scary and hard to let our kids go off on their own. You’ve got this, Mama! And more importantly, you have done all you can to teach your kids the skills they’ll need to handle the challenges and changes they’re about to experience. Just remember, they will still be learning a lot along the way as they grow up and figure out new ways to manage their lives. Take it one step at a time, and you’ll continue to learn how to help them stay safe and well and support them in this next stage of life.
Take a look at the following articles, which will offer you some practical and insightful advice in not only preparing your kids for college but also preparing you with great tips on parenting college kids.
Dear College Kid, It’s Time To Talk About the Temptations You’ll Face at School
Dear college kid,
I bet you are SO excited and a little bit nervous about going away to college. This is a HUGE transition for you that will offer so many opportunities to learn and experience a variety of new things!
In this next season of your life, you’ll be building friendships, exploring your interests, and pursuing academics- while learning so many lessons about living on your own.
This will be the first time you won’t have a curfew or live under the supervision of your parents, which means you are free to do whatever you want to do whenever you want to do it. THAT kind of independence will be empowering and thrilling for you! But sometimes, without the guardrails of your parents’ watchful eyes and the structure of your home, you can slide off the road with bad decisions. You will feel pressured to make some choices that can have devastating repercussions.
Continue reading HERE.
Advice For Moms Sending Their Kids To College (From a Mom Who’s Been There)
Since I’ve traveled this hard road before, I have learned a few things that helped my college kid feel empowered to live independently away from me. I’ve also figured out my new role as a parent, which can be tricky and uncomfortable for us moms who are used to the roles we had when our kids were living at home.
Once we drop our kids off at college, everything changes. We have officially begun an entirely new phase of parenting, and it’s so important we adjust according to our kid’s needs- not ours. I made many mistakes along this challenging journey that taught me how parenting our kids can be an incredibly sacrificial experience. The biggest lesson I learned is that our parenting from this point on is all about them, not us. We have to focus on what they need and push our own needs aside- and that’s really hard to do.
Here’s some advice for moms sending their kids off to college that I hope will help you all. Although every kid has unique needs and all our relationships are different, too, I hope these insights will help you be the best parent you can be for your college kid.
Continue reading HERE.
Keep Your College Student Safe In Campus Organizations
You have done the college drop-off. You have cried, worried, or maybe celebrated. Classes have begun. Hopefully, your child has joined an organization (e.g., fraternity, sorority, band, sports team, club, etc.), and the organizational joining process is happening, which includes meetings, financial commitments, and doing the challenging work of connection and making friends. If so, I want to tell you how to keep your college students safe in campus organizations, fraternities, and sororities. As a parent, your job is to protect the safety and well-being of your child.
I have worked in higher education for three decades in various capacities. Today, I have the opportunity to speak to college students, and there are two things I say on the stage every single time. For organizations to be valuable, the foundation must have two components:
- Good relationships. Harvard University has completed an 85-year study on what makes a good life. Since 1934, Harvard has studied the lives of 724 men and brought in spouses, partners, and children to the study. This is the longest study ever done, and the research can be condensed into one sentence: Positive relationships keep us happier, and healthier, and help us live longer.
- Safety. Over the past decade, I have had many parents reach out to me regarding safety concerns (e.g., their child has ended up in the hospital, required and unsafe driving shifts, forced or encouraged alcohol use, required time that gets in the way of sleep and going to class, etc.). I am always struck by these calls because I am always unsure why they call me. My advice is always the same… to make a report. In this complex conversation I will have with parents, the idea of reporting is always met with excuses. Until your child feels safe in the organization, they will never have a good relationship with the members.
Continue reading HERE.
How To Have Positive Conversations With Your College Kid
When your college kid is away from home, you might often wonder and worry about how they are doing. Are they eating healthy and getting enough sleep? Are they enjoying their classes and completing their schoolwork? Are they getting along with their roommates and meeting new friends? Are they taking care of themselves? And most of all, all moms want to know if their kids are safe, happy, and healthy. And as time goes on, the questions and concerns keep piling up and never end, no matter how old they are and how long they’ve been gone. I still wonder and worry the same things about my new college graduate!
You will probably wait anxiously to hear from your college kid so you can find out the answers to all your questions and put your wondering and worrying at ease. Depending on your kid, they may text, call, or Facetime you often, or you might not hear from them much at all. Some kids need a lot of guidance and support, while others are so independent they hardly need help. All of our relationships are different, as well as each of our college kids, so many factors come into play in how we communicate.
But there are successful ways to have positive conversations with your college kid. I finally figured out some things that worked with my college kid over the years, and I’d love to share them with you in hopes that the same hard lessons I learned will help you, too.
Continue reading HERE.
Five Things I Need to Change in How I Communicate with My College Kid
I just got off the phone with my college kid, who lives several states away. She’s so busy, she rarely has time to call, so when she does, I’m anxious to hear her voice and find out how she’s doing. I try not to guilt her into calling me more. I try to be patient and flexible because she’s overwhelmed with building her life away from me, and the last thing she needs is added stress and pressure to call her mom. It’s so hard to wait. I constantly wonder and worry about her. This is one of the many hard parts of parenting this newly evolved kid who lives her own life so very far away.
After this particular phone call, I felt completely defeated, and I could tell my girl did too. She sounded so exhausted, and my contribution to the conversation made things worse, not better. This was not my intention, of course. I always want to encourage her, guide her, and be an unconditional safe place for her to share anything she feels or is experiencing in her life.
But sometimes, I speak too soon, share my opinion when I just need to listen, push too hard on an issue, or tell her what she needs to do. And I’m learning that although I might know more and I’m saying things to help guide her in growing into a healthy, wise, and strong adult… I need to change my way of parenting this child of mine who deserves fewer interjections and opinions and more gentle submission and support.
This isn’t to say that I have a powerful role in helping her steer her course with guidance and input, affirmation, and direction. It’s a tricky balance between the two. I’m still learning how to do this delicate dance with my young and naive but grown-up child, who I love more than she could ever comprehend.
Continue reading HERE.
5 Things to Say When Your College Student is Struggling with Hard Things
Recently, we traveled through several states to move my freshman college student into an apartment with five other girls she had yet to meet. Within the first week of school, two of her roommates tested positive for COVID, two were sent home to quarantine, her apartment had a leak in their roof, the AC broke, and the only remaining roommate left was in a car accident.
Amidst all the chaos and confusion and fear and stress, she was struggling to keep up with her rigorous class schedule and manage her new home and new life that looked nothing like she imagined it to be. (She was vaccinated, so she could attend her classes wearing a mask.) By the end of the week, after feeling exhausted and congested with her lungs burning and her chest tightening, she too, tested positive for COVID and is currently isolating in a hotel room.
Needless to say, many things have gone wrong.
Each time my daughter called me in tears, overwhelmed with angst, confusion, and dread, I knew she needed me to be strong and supportive, affirming and encouraging. She needed her mama to understand her feelings, offer her guidance, give her perspective, and, above all, instill hope in believing she is capable of managing these hard things.
Continue reading HERE.
45 Words of Wisdom For Teens Going to College
What would you want to tell a kid going to college for the first time?
We asked our Moms of Tweens and Teens Community what words of wisdom they would share with college-bound kids. We got the good, the bad and the ugly from moms that have been there.
It’s hard for kids to hear the things their parents have learned, and kids will make their own mistakes, but if we can sit down and have a real conversation with our kids and be proactive, not reactive, our kids just might listen to what we said.
Continue reading HERE.
Fun Gifts To Send Your College Kid
My daughter Lily is a college student, and she created a list of gifts that she believes college students would love to get from their parents.
Whether you have a son or daughter, she put together gift ideas for both! This is the perfect way to show how much you are rooting for them if they are far away…
These gifts also apply to high schoolers!
Continue reading HERE.
I sure hope these articles were helpful in giving you some much-needed advice on parenting college kids! You will learn more as you both continue to grow through this big transitional year!
